off-topic banter

PLEASE watch it's hilarious--and right!

2008-04-21T18:00:00.000-07:00

go obama!

2008-01-28T10:12:00.000-08:00

yup, that's my candidate. a lot of people from throughout my life may have expected me to be a clinton girl, based on my feminist ideals. why obama? let me use the words of the amazing toni morrison, who has managed to speak my mind much more eloquently than i ever do....

"In addition to keen intelligence, integrity and a rare authenticity, you exhibit something that has nothing to do with age, experience, race or gender and something I don't see in other candidates. That something is a creative imagination which coupled with brilliance equals wisdom. It is too bad if we associate it only with gray hair and old age. Or if we call searing vision naivete. Or if we believe cunning is insight. Or if we settle for finessing cures tailored for each ravaged tree in the forest while ignoring the poisonous landscape that feeds and surrounds it. Wisdom is a gift; you can't train for it, inherit it, learn it in a class, or earn it in the workplace — that access can foster the acquisition of knowledge, but not wisdom."

greedy? sorta....

2007-12-01T12:35:00.000-08:00

so here's what i plan to do when i win the mega millions!

lump sum it if it's under $100 million
put half into investments & savings (including some real estate)
complete the college funds for my nieces & nephews
give each family member some bucks (# depends on jackpot!)
give the people who make my survival job bearable a few grand, as well as the few true friends i actually have
find an amazing script to fund (and star in, natch)
donate to handpicked charitable organizations involving women, animals, and CF research
take a NICE vacation (nice=long and to many places)
restore my man's vintage mercedes & get my own vintage mustang working~once i find it

so there! i plan to share a lot of the money, put it to some good use, and generate more for my family's future. i think that should put me on the short list for "deserving."

don't you?
c'mon universe! hand it over!!

well thank god SOMEone is paying attention

2007-11-27T11:08:00.000-08:00

and SOMEone with some public status is talking about this...

touchy touchy

2007-11-02T16:42:00.001-07:00

well, i got lambasted earlier today for sharing (via email) a concise breakdown of a (clearly generalized, but still based in truth) list of defining beliefs for today's republican. this is interesting to me because instead of coming back with other information to refute these points or clarify his own thinking on these topics, i was criticized for sharing this by a self-proclaimed republican, who then accused me of being indecent for not asking about his personal beliefs. i'm pretty sure that email was an open invitation to debate. and i found it pretty interesting at what level of indignance he responded.
and by the way, i'm a registered independent, so i get all kinds of propaganda and criticism. :) i also think anyone who's afraid or unwilling to look at their own beliefs (or those of a party, if they are a die-hard party member) and consider others are living in ignorance of the facts, and ignoring the possibility that the reality doesn't fit the idea anymore.
at any rate, i would think this was amusing if it didn't scare me so much. if the supposedly intelligent & open-minded of my generation can't even respond to criticism of their political stance with confidence and fact and conviction (beyond complaining about being called out) i fear that our country will continue to elect "leaders" who do not have the well-being of the country at heart. only that of their party, and usually that of the most hardline of that party.
this goes for democrats too, mind you. i just happen to believe that the current administration deserved to be addressed specifically, which is what that email did. and it just happens to be republican.
well, another one bites the dust. i can't believe people think differing opinions can't make for interesting & enlightening conversation between intelligent adults instead of rifts in relationships. i think that is what i call close-minded.
eh, what can you do? and if yr gonna say "shut up," i have to say that will never happen. i believe in free speech~sorry! :)

i always thought....

2007-10-17T13:04:00.001-07:00

that the hard part was figuring out what you wanted to do with your life. what you were "supposed" to do. what you could embrace as a career that would keep you whole in the rest of your life and prevent you from looking back at the age of 40 or 50, miserable in your work existence and thinking, "where did it all go? i wonder what might have happened if i had only tried..."

i have talked about this a lot in my life to those close to me. maybe i have even blogged about it before, i've no idea. but it is on my mind again.

it is hard to grasp how difficult it is, has been, to follow my path in life. how much my particular journey requires the help and acceptance of others in regards to my purpose and joy in life. it is unlike most other careers, where you can take hard work, study, commitment, perseverance and turn it all into opportunity just by the virtue of doing it. here, in this place of art-work that i live, you have to do all that and still have virtually no control over your destiny in terms of success.

and let me clarify that success is defined by the individual. i just want to make a living where i am not required to work a survival job to make ends meet. i don't have to be filthy rich or famous or any of that. i simply would like to be a working actor who can subsist off that work. and the joy of doing that work and being ALLOWED to do that work will satisfy the rest of my needs. (and if the universe saw fit to make me filthy rich or famous or whatever, i would do my very best to handle it with grace and humility. if i didn't, there is certainly a long list of people who would line up to give me a swift kick in the ego~or the ass.)

i sure hope my destiny arrives at my doorstep soon. thank god i know what it is, and have known for some time. but i am not the most patient person in the world and it had already been a long time coming. so i hope hope hope that it shows its face before i get overwhelmed and doubtful. because i know that wouldn't be the truth, it would only be a level of exhaustion i could no longer fight off.

high time for a salt bath

2007-08-16T18:22:00.000-07:00

so all day long i have had the michael jackson song "don't stop till you get enough" running thru my head. why? well, two reasons... first and foremost, i was splashing around in the lovely blue-green waves of the pacific ocean on my boogie board for upwards of an hour without stopping. hell, i never even got my towel out of my bag to chill in the sun for a while before my parking meter had choked down its last quarter and sent me jogging back, dripping saltwater and smiles.
the second reason is that i had another moment of self-awareness in my salty meditation time today, wherein i recognized again my drive and passion for my career as an actor. the constant question from loved ones and strangers alike of "how long are you going to keep doing this?" was answered deep in my soul once again. the same answer that's always been there when i stop to take a real look. only this time i was answered with a good jaunty rhythm and semi-disco beat. "don't stop till you get enough."
i won't. believe me, i won't.

a note from my recent birthday

2007-07-30T12:27:00.000-07:00

i got a most wonderful gift from the universe on my birthday.
as i sat straddling my surfboard in the midst of some small ripples, awaiting the perfect wave to test my newly formed surfing skills, i felt the sun gently flowing over me, and i stretched my arms open wide to the horizon.... whereupon several dolphins appeared to swim and frolic in the waters beside me.
thank you to the universe for a moment of pure perfection and unfettered joy on my special day.

thought for the day....

2006-11-20T13:50:00.000-08:00

What we need are more people who specialize in the impossible.

~Theodore Roetke

what color is my aura????

2006-11-14T16:51:00.000-08:00

Your Aura is Purple

Your Personality: You're a dreamer and visionary. You believe you were put on this earth to do something great.

You in Love: You're very passionate but often too busy for love. You need a man who sees your vision and adopts it as his own.

Your Career: You need a job that helps you make a difference. You have a bright future as a guru, politician, teacher, or musician.

Take it yourself here.

things i plan to do before i'm 40 REVISED

2006-10-16T13:34:00.000-07:00

1. run the nyc marathon
2. climb kilimanjaro
3. skydive
4. go on safari
5. write a book~working on it
6. travel to the continents i've yet to visit (africa, asia, antarctica, south america)
7. volunteer with habitat for humanity
8. hike into/camp the grand canyon
9. finish learning to ski
10. learn to tango
11. become fluent in at least one other language
12. replace any remaining hand-me-down furniture with chosen pieces
13. buy a home
14. ~~have a pedicure~~
15. pierce my nose (again)
16. get fresh flowers for my home every week for at least 3 months
17. take my nieces and nephews on an outing
18. ~~fall in love (again)~~
19. ~~walk the moors of scotland~~

anything you think i should add, toss it in. maybe write your own. would love to know what you all want to do in your upcoming years.

the thing about people is...

2006-05-10T00:35:00.000-07:00

they are usually hypocrites with no idea they are hypocrites.

not excluding myself from this equation either (how could i, i wouldn't know if it applied to me, using my theory, right?) but it doesn't keep the frustration from bubbling up and sometimes over.

a lot of this hypocrisy lies down with the theory that we decry in others that which is flawed in ourselves. ergo, by the very fact of having another mirror us we are triggered to react to that which causes others to react to us. mumbo jumbo. but true.

anyway, it always amazes me to hear someone talk about the perceived flaws of others, the similarities of which are clearly visible within themselves.

forget the actual spanking...

2006-04-29T11:21:00.000-07:00

okay, this is a totally weird way to build "camaraderie" among co-workers, spanking them, having them wear diapers and be fed baby food.... whatEVER.

but the thing that really kills me is the fact that this woman's lawyer, in this msnbc video, is completely... vapid! not to mention the lack of fire for the case itself! good lord. his first 4 or 5 responses are... does he even know what he's supposed to be doing? who picked him out? crikey.

for the record...

2006-04-28T13:13:00.000-07:00

and since the question has come up...
this does not refer to me....

(why are my people reading this bunk anyway? stupid charlie and denise crap... who cares?)

s'about time someone figured out a solution!

2006-04-27T22:50:00.000-07:00

reminder for those moments of self-pity

2006-04-23T15:07:00.001-07:00

the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.

~ghandi

muuuusgaaaaaahs!

2006-04-17T01:17:00.000-07:00

i think my sister might be the only one who knows what the title of this particular blog entry means, not to mention what it actually sounds like.
so sis, i hope you're reading this, otherwise it was a waste of a memory. :)
anyway, was at the animal shelter today doing some work and since kitten season is in full swing, i had the pleasure of seeing a few litters of newly/recently born kitties. one group of which is pictured here. aren't they adORable? sigh. looking forward to my next fostering opportunity.....

anniversary of smobriety

2006-04-12T10:51:00.000-07:00

yes, my lovelies. as of today i have been 100% completely smoke free for 2 years. pretty pleased with myself. there have been plenty of people in my life over the years who never thought i would make it a week let alone 2 whole frickin' years. of course, none of them are you, cause i EXPELLED them from my life of positivity... :)
at any rate, happy to say i haven't had a single puff and even though i do still think of it, do still have the occasional craving.... i am oh-so-glad that my life is no longer run by the demands of nicotine.

that being said... if they figure out a way to smoke that won't kill me.... i'll be first in line for a drag, dammit!

negative energy

2006-04-02T13:55:00.000-07:00

you know how sometimes no matter how positive a thinker you are, no matter how strongly you believe in the things you do or say, no matter how truthfully you choose to live your life, sometimes negative energy gets in anyway? it creeps through the barriers, seeps in from the world around you, breaks into your heart little by little.

this was happening to me for a little while, and it's so frustrating to feel what's happening, know in your head that it's a bunch of b.s. that is just rooting around for your achilles' heel, and still not really be able to completely control it.

something about visualized meditation helps me a lot, meaning while in a meditative posture i do deep breathing stuff~in with the light, out with the dark. and i think that, combined with giving myself time to feel the stuff, deal with it, and decide to expel it is what does the trick for me. unfortunately you can't always just plop down in the middle of your life and blow the black energy from your body.

anyway... get to it as soon as possible though, really. the people around you will thank you. :)

funny how

2006-03-21T13:30:00.000-08:00

things change.
and change again.
then change some more.
and just when you think you "get" exactly where everything is and belongs...
yeah, here comes change.

adaptation & impetus

2006-02-14T16:32:00.000-08:00

so there's this amazing (sneaky pre-14th valentine?) moth orchid sitting on my countertop. i keep wandering over to examine it, and i am starting to understand the whole obsession.

this is a sample of what i have. but there is no way to do justice to the intricate folds and delicate hues of this elegant creature by sending you to a web page.

at any rate, i am completely and utterly in love.
and that's just brilliant.

sloughing off

2006-02-03T01:34:00.000-08:00

okay, so i'm either supposed to be sleeping or working right now. (though frankly i'd rather be doing none of these things, and would prefer to be snuggled up on a couch with someone, but alas... we never get exactly what we need exactly when we need it, do we.)

instead i am sitting here at my computer, totally sucked in to this stupid "myspace" crap. after all the nagging and b.s. i finally signed up for an account~in spite of the fact that i'm pretty clear on the idea of it being a sort of online meat market~and now i've become minorly & temporarily obsessed with other people's stuff. i haven't even really put anything up in terms of a profile myself or added any friends. (after all, who needs to when i have 2 blogs and web site? geez. nerdy enough as it is.) but here i am checking out other profiles, and thinking it's an obsession for many, obviously. everyone seems to have logged in over the past couple days. like they can't get away from it.........

i must detach myself now before i become one of these people! i would rather devote my energy to... more useful face-to-face pursuits. hmmm. face-to-couch pursuits...? no no no. i think you know what i mean.
crikey. it must be past my bedtime. or something.

maaaaaaaan. where's my late night conversationalist?

my life path number

2006-02-02T11:58:00.000-08:00

yeah, it's true~i'm procrastinating. it's not that i have too much time on my hands, it's that i'm feeling lazy and more interested in this silly mindless stuff for the moment. GIVE ME A BREAK i already worked 2 hours today! anyway, here's more insight into me. which i think is right on the money. wanna know about you? go here where it says FREE.

ONE: If your Life-Path number is ONE, your life is likely to be characterized by the need for personal fulfillment, independence, pioneering and individualistic desires. Key words for a ONE Life-Path number are attainment, initiating action, independence, pioneering, leading and individual.

As a ONE, your life purpose may well be to attain true independence. Learning to stand on your own two feet and to allow your own uniqueness to flourish will be of utmost important. Life circumstances whereby you find you’re dependent on others in any capacity will prove very unsatisfying and dismal. Many ONE’S struggle through many years of life to achieve the ideal environment. A follower you will never be – at least not comfortably! Throughout your life, working towards this independence will likely be your top focus. Recognizing this can help you to achieve greater satisfaction and bring you towards the truest nature of a ONE.

Once true independence is attained, the next natural step for you as a ONE is leadership. Many corporate leaders, Generals and political leaders are those with a Life-Path number ONE. Once the sense of freedom to lead and direct with your unique means is attained, innovation and creativity will flourish. Faith and trust in yourself and your abilities will allow you to lead with passion and certainty. Others will learn from you and be willing to take direction. Tempered with patience and the courage to promote your ideas, your brand of leadership will provide much for those who follow.

Tremendous strength is also associated with the number ONE. This is in both the physical and inner varieties of your personhood. This strength allows you to take charge of most any situation and to solve even the most challenging of situations. Chances are good too that you’ll do so with total originality. Many ONE’S enjoy a long life with excellent health.

Challenges for the ONE can include self-centeredness, selfishness and a sense of superiority. Over-confidence and impatience can also be present. While doing things ‘your way or the highway’ can serve well in some situations, you will have to temper this attitude to allow for effective leadership by allowing others to express themselves. The greatest challenge for the person with a Life-Path number ONE is dependence on others. Oddly enough, many find themselves caught in such circumstances and must struggle for the independence that is true to their nature.

oh, george...

2006-01-12T11:29:00.000-08:00

from this article:

HOLLYWOOD superhunk George Clooney has admitted he doesn’t think he’ll ever find love and have a family.

The 44-year-old actor says relationships will always come second to his work and his friends.

He told OK! magazine: "I’ve made it difficult to have a relationship because, because my first love is my work and my second love is my friends.

"That means everything else in my life is going to suffer to some extent..."

okay, if you replace the second priority of friends with family, you've got me. george, i completely understand your predicament. and i think we'd get along juuuuuuust fiiiiiiine. why don't you give me a call?

(and don't ask why i was reading this bunk to begin with. i was groggy and pre-coffee when it happened.)

conflamma

2006-01-11T13:57:00.000-08:00

ever notice that conflict generates drama, and vice versa?

hence the conflamma. (which i know should rightly be spelled "conflama" but looks better with 2 m's... but i digress...)

anyway, i've had a heightening build-up of conflamma over the last couple days, and i'm sort of *over* it. i worked out some serious aggression at the gym yesterday then took a long, meditative steam, and let me tell ya, i think i sweated out all the negative energy. and am i ever glad. this sort of drain is unwanted in my life.

my point being, really, that i was talking with my mum over the holidays about the fact that over the past year i generally find myself happy, and that the bit of bad days that come my way are just accepted, lived thru, and learned from. so this past 72 hours or so has been a shock to the system~haven't had such negativity in my life in such extreme measures in a long time. i almost forgot i could choose to be released from it!

so i am happy to say i've come back thru the other side of the rainbow, the deal sealed by a nice long conversation last night with someone of extremely positive energy. thank you.

awwwwwww

2006-01-06T09:24:00.000-08:00

look how cute! that's me and my youngest niece, audrey, over the holidays. ain't she adorable? thanks to lar for the great pic!

2006 is gonna rock

2006-01-05T00:28:00.000-08:00

okay, so i've already been called for 6 auditions and it's only the freakin' 4th day of the year! plus, i just found out i booked one of those gigs! more info about that on my professional blog in the near future...
for now, i just wanted to mention the coolness of knowing this is the year i get my life. been talking to close friends and family about just this thing, this intuition. and i just read (i know, i know....) my horoscope for the year. check it out. sounds brilliant, eh?
remember, you knew me when....

Cancer
Separations and disconnections will change the way you look at things. Quickly, you are becoming the talk of the town, as a year like no other will unfold and dazzle us all along the way. An unfairly handsome heart will seek you out, particularly in the spring. Your intuitive, alert sensibilities will be recognized and poised for greatness. However, a word of warning: "Not all is fair in love and war." Your unique destiny will finally show itself to you: Richness; Sophistication; and a private Passion. By the end of the year, you will be at a crossroads.

ha! see what i mean?

2005-12-31T00:09:00.000-08:00

what place other than l.a. can this happen?
this morning i was sitting in front of my computer with my guitar and my coffee, still in my jammies, haven't brushed my teeth (let alone looked in the mirror to brush my hair or anything...) or anything, and there's a knock at the door. i look thru the peephole.
UPS guy delivering a package.
okay, fine. who cares? so i open the door in all my morning glory, and the guy wants to chat a bit about the fact that i was wearing a guitar. fine. whatever. (did i mention i am wearing real, *hideous* jammies, not the sexy boy-fantasy kind?) so yadda yadda. i sign the package. get rid of the guy. blah blah.
a few hours later, i leave to go to the gym.
on my door is a UPS sticky with a little note on it asking me out! complete with phone number.
what in the WORLD? WHERE besides l.a. would something so ridiculous occur???????
cryin' out loud..... they *are* all a bundle of hormones!

and mum, don't worry. i can knock him over with a flick of my little pinky finger.

ego feeding

2005-12-29T21:13:00.000-08:00

so.... there is one thing about l.a. which i find remarkable.
that is i have never *ever* had so much attention paid to my physical being in my entire life.

it's completely inane! like everyone out here is a bundle of walking hormones, and apparently i sprouted some sort of "hot" wings (pun intended) recently because no one really gave me the time of day in nyc. and suddenly l.a. has decided i'm "hot."

i've never been "hot" before in my life. i don't even know what to do with the notion that it might be true. and while i realize some of you might think this blog entry is an ego trip, i swear it is based in my true bewilderment over the way people seem to be perceiving me just in the last 6-12 months.

completely fucking weird.

so i went home to michigan for the holidays, and was so relieved to be able to wear comfy clothes and not have to be "on" all the time. and for most of the trip i had not a single experience with anyone even looking at me twice. just another frumpy midwestern girl. i think i feel a lot more comfortable with those labels... at least i know what they actually mean.

here we are again

2005-12-16T09:58:00.000-08:00

back to the brussel sprouts.

can i just vent a minute here? (yes, i can and you can't stop me! ha!)

sometimes i get really sick of being self-aware.
why can't i just run around acting like an idiot and having fun like the other 75% of the world? (no comments from my own personal peanut gallery, please~i'm not claiming i never act like an idiot.)

frickin'...

btw, i put up my tree and my other x-massy type stuff yesterday while making snickerdoodle cookies and blaring holiday music, and i totally got into the spirit!

until i walked outside....

thank god i go home soon. they just had a big beautiful snowstorm there and i would kill to be out shoveling the driveway. i know, i know, that makes me a total loon to most of ya. but if you love your 4 seasons the way i do, you understand.

i think i might have to do some winter camping this year to get another fix around feb or march. call me if you're on board. ;)

thanks to larry for the winter wonderland picture....

the hollydays in so-cal

2005-12-15T10:27:00.000-08:00

can i just say how absolutely weird it to drive around at night here in mid-december and see all these holiday lights up.... while people are without jackets and stuff during the day? and scarves are mostly for "fashion" out here? and people wear high fuzzy boots for comfort, not to fight off frostbite?

i cannot get in the holiday spirit with all this sunshine. seriously. i mean i haven't even put up my x-mas tree cause i feel like it's not "time" yet. but the thing is i am leaving in less than a week to head back to the winter wonderland of michigan for the holidays... if i don't get my tree up today i won't even be able to enjoy it.

it just feels wrong. so much about this just feels completely and utterly wrong...

sigh.

just cause they were much loved...

2005-12-13T13:07:00.000-08:00

here's a shot of the other 2 kitties that were already adopted from my current litter. obviously, the big guy is ivan.... aka, daddy.

freckles is the one... well, with freckles... but she's also stretching her head upside down. the other is husky. sweet girlies....

burbank animal shelter rocks in 2005

2005-12-12T10:37:00.000-08:00

"Our dog adoption rate is holding right around 97% - incredible! - and 300 kittens
adopted, another incredible feat."
that's a little bit of technical info from lt. bruce speirs.
i'm proud to be part of such a proactive organization.
and for those of you who are wondering, my litter of formerly feral kitties is half adopted, and the other 2 should be ready to be shown by the end of this week.
anyone wanna take them home for x-mas?

in black & white

2005-12-05T10:39:00.000-08:00

yeah, so we all know i am not a supporter of the (repeated) election of GWB. particularly when he is half-assedly leading the country of which i am a citizen. but apparently i'm not alone. and i mean REALLY not alone. here's a snip from an interesting article a friend sent me today. it's all here in B&W. well, not all~they didn't even touch on the fact that GWB's brain has the abilities of a small minnow and his ability to articulate is practically non-existent...

"The History News Network at George Mason University has just polled historians informally on the Bush record. Four hundred and fifteen, about a third of those contacted, answered -- maybe they were all crazed liberals -- making the project as unofficial as it was interesting. These were the results: 338 said they believed Bush was failing, while 77 said he was succeeding. Fifty said they thought he was the worst president ever. Worse than Buchanan.
This is what those historians said -- and it should be noted that some of the criticism about deficit spending and misuse of the military came from self-identified conservatives -- about the Bush record:

He has taken the country into an unwinnable war and alienated friend and foe alike in the process;
He is bankrupting the country with a combination of aggressive military spending and reduced taxation of the rich;
He has deliberately and dangerously attacked separation of church and state;
He has repeatedly "misled," to use a kind word, the American people on affairs domestic and foreign;
He has proved to be incompetent in affairs domestic (New Orleans) and foreign (Iraq and the battle against al-Qaida);
He has sacrificed American employment (including the toleration of pension and benefit elimination) to increase overall productivity;
He is ignorantly hostile to science and technological progress;
He has tolerated or ignored one of the republic's oldest problems, corporate cheating in supplying the military in wartime."

fun & games

2005-11-06T12:52:00.000-08:00

i had a total blast last night hanging out with some showbiz-acquaintances-now-turning-friends and their friends, a bit of al-key-hall and lots of old school music being spun, a touch of dancing, and plenty of laughs. it is good to get out on a saturday night and remember that i don't have to be on my best behavior all the time in order to have fun, to not offend anyone, to avoid uncomfortable situations.

just gotta hang out with the other irresponsible folks.... ;)

reminiscence and feralty

2005-10-29T14:42:00.000-07:00

i spent a few days in nyc last week, and realized how much i truly miss it. i guess i'd buried that a bit so i wouldn't get depressed about the fact that my career demands i live elsewhere for the time being, but being back there, walking those streets again, feeling that energy, soaking up the vibe.... well, i've put it back on top of my priority list to become bi-coastal within the next 2 years.

i have just taken on a litter of 4 feral kittens. and they are verrry unhappy and stressed. i hope i can work with them quickly to start making them more comfortable with people and affection. they are already 7 weeks old so technically they can be adopted starting in a week... but naturally that is not true if they have not adapted socially. so i will be working hard to get them in shape for a loving home. it should be quite a challenge and i am quite excited about it.

off tonight to see my first live hockey game in 2 years! verrrrrry excited, even though it's not my team. should be loads of fun. also helping put a friend's halloween costume together beforehand, bald cap and all~gotta look back into my notes from costume design era of my life. it'll be cool to do that stuff again for a minute. hope it turns out great!

didja feel that?

2005-10-16T14:16:00.000-07:00

that, my friends, was an earthquake. a small one, granted~but an earthquake nonetheless!

i am just getting my stuff together to spend the day and evening at the BASV fundraiser, and lo and behold a nice little earthquake rocked my apartment.

always weird......

fundraiser & other stuff

2005-10-14T14:58:00.000-07:00

this weekend is the BASV (burbank animal shelter volunteers) annual fundraiser. i am working as the volunteer coordinator for the event, as well as housing a litter of 5 kittens till i leave for nyc. i get my new babies in a few minutes here. i'll snap some shots for y'all.

in other news, it's HOT. what the hell happened to fall??

also, while awaiting my car from the mechanic today (yes, the new one!) i was at the gym on the treadmill. i was jamming to some music, eyes zoning out on the cnn broadcast on the t.v. opposite me.... and suddenly they flash up breaking news about 2 small planes colliding in NE ohio. my ex's dad is a pilot and has his own plane or two, lives in the area.... i immediately thought of him and the possibilities of one of those planes being his.... at any rate, i haven't found out any specific details yet except that they think there were about 5 people involved and it seems as though everyone died. so...yuck.

strange how you can snap right back into being worried about/concerned for someone who was important in your life at some point. even though i'm not so fond of either guy at this point, i hope it wasn't him or anyone he knows.... i know he/his family would handle that badly in spite of their dysfunctional relationships (or perhaps because of it). and that kind of tragedy just sucks. wouldn't wish it on anyone.

so frustrated...

2005-10-05T12:25:00.000-07:00

i cannot tell you how sick i am of people using my choice of career as a reason to think they understand me, and to thereby judge me as a human being.

i am so absolutely exhausted of having to prove myself to people who don't want their assumptions proved wrong. and who don't even really matter in the scheme of life.

grumble. sorry.

holy crap

2005-10-02T11:43:00.000-07:00

i got a lot of catching up to do, don't i.....
i'm back from germany and i haven't even gotten blogging from scotland yet!
well, okay, here's the deal. my kitties are adoptable now and i want to get them good homes. so check these little buggers out!
and meanwhile i will post later today or tomorrow again, and get moving on my catch up posts.

UPDATE: RAZ & PATCH are going to a happy home together on thursday!! yay!

kitty patrol

2005-09-06T13:41:00.000-07:00

okay, so check out the pile of kitties that fell asleep at my feet while i was working at my computer the other night. sooooo cute.

updates

2005-08-30T15:14:00.000-07:00

gas = $3+ in some stations already. not that i can dare complain--not like my apartment building got leveled or anything.
patch thinks my feet are kitty chew toys.
scamp has exhibited an amazingly gymnastic method of getting where he's going.
rasp (i think i like that abbreviation better than raspy.... hmmm....) has an affinity for rolling on his back.
baxter (aka, hisser/sweetpea) is out playing like a normal kitty on occasion when he thinks i'm not looking.
the kitties all seem to be pretty well potty-trained but one.... and i think it's actually bax just being obstinate. pretty sure he knows just what he's doing. you know kitties.
ivan seems less angry. and even has a bit of (somewhat suspicious) curiosity. i think he plans to eat the kitties while i'm at class. nonetheless, he's not growling anymore....

to ivan's dismay...

2005-08-30T01:35:00.000-07:00

i brought home a litter of 4 foster kitties today.
ivan's pissed, but what can you do...... i'm trying to get back on his good side with some catnip. we'll see what happens.
meanwhile, look at my beauties!

this is the hisser. he/she doesn't have a real name yet, nor have any of them been sexed as of yet. they are fresh off the boat and needed bathing and feeding and calming, in hisser's case. once i get to know hisser a bit better i'll assign an appropriate name. the rest are all taken care of. hisser was just added to this litter today. the other 3 had been together for a while and he seems to be a bit older. so he's very traumatized and hissing and snapping, biting, etc. i manage to get him calmed down a bit at a time, but as soon as my attention isn't constant he reverts right back. but since he will calm down a bit i have hope he'll pull through and become a model foster kitty.

next is "scamp." i wanted to name this one scavenger, because (s)he is crazy nutso about getting to the food. even toppling over a bag of dried food 10X his size and almost getting crushed beneath it. and forget stepping on his siblings' heads... he just shoves 'em outta his way.
and he meows loud and constant in a campaign for more.
here i was sitting on the floor and he's climbing up the front of my shirt cause he thinks the camera is a spoonful of food.... i understand why--he's tiny!
anyway, scavenger became too many syllables right off the bat, so my natural inclination toward the abbreviation "scamp" seems perfect.

okay, this little guy i named before we even left the shelter. he's "rasputin." yeah, you know who i mean. and it's because he has an extra dose of fuzz on his face that makes him look like he's got a fuzzy grey beard. (he's also got a nice round kitty belly.) unfortunately, he's a bit camera shy, and after 5 tries, this was the best shot i could get of him. he thinks he'll have his soul stolen if he looks directly into the lens...
i guess it'll become "raspy" for short...

last but not least we have "patch," shortened from patchwork, cause of his coat. you can't see too much in this picture, but he's got the crazy amount of different colors mixed into his coat. absolutely adorable and sweet too. he would probably be my favorite except i adore them all. even though i've been bitten thru to blood 3 times already and scratched all to heck. my legs (bare of course) became instant trees to climb when i stood up.

anyway, here's the babies! i'll keep y'all posted on progress. if anyone wants to adopt in a few weeks let me know! probably about 3-5 weeks they'll be ready to go. meanwhile i am EXhausted. 4 babies and one fat, pouty adult is a lot of cat tending for one girl!

katrina hits home

2005-08-29T17:17:00.000-07:00

so i filled up my gas tank around 12:30 today. it was $2.71 a gallon.
always fun spending $40 to fill up your tank...

then i drove by the same station on my way home 4.5 hours later, and the price is now $2.79.

wonder what it will be by tomorrow....

i need a subway.

blather

2005-08-19T10:42:00.000-07:00

okay, so since i rejoined a gym, and have gotten back to working out 4-5 days a week, i have been seriously slacking off over here in the blog department. also in a few other life departments, but like y'all want to know about that. at any rate... i feel really great though...

okay, so.
i promise promise promise to post about the rest of my trip by this time next week.
also, i have much travel planned for september and october so if i don't catch up now i may fall behind forEVER.

and by the way, looks like i *will* make it for a day or 2 of oktoberfest, so i am exceedingly thrilled about that! should be a grand old time. mum wants to try and visit some familial locations over there too so it'll be an interesting trip. just on the tails of that will be a trip to see the grandfolks, whose heritage we will be steeped in, so it will be a great thing to relay all that to them.

meanwhile, regular life is a bit slow right now. i mean, not that i'm not busy, but i wish it were with more work than it is. i am having a ton of fun though, and that's always good. unfortunately, all that "fun" is depleting my funds a bit, so i may need to curb myself for a while. or, say, get a survival job (gasp!). that is an absolute LAST resort!

okay, that's about all you can handle for one blog, right? catch you in a few days!

i just have to...

2005-08-16T10:43:00.000-07:00

now everything is starting to make sense....

my reputation deceives me

2005-08-12T10:52:00.000-07:00

i just discovered the most inane thing. on the west coast when you say you "hooked up" with someone, it means you had sex. now, this would not be really startling news, except that on the east coast (and in the midwest, for that matter) if you hook up it just means ya made out!
you know, innocent smooching and groping and stuff.

there are at least 5 people running around l.a. right now thinking i put out due to this bi-coastal word freak.

eh. they probably thought i was easy anyway....

is it possible?

2005-08-11T13:48:00.000-07:00

that i can make a trip to germany and JUST miss oktoberfest?

okay, people, give me all your brain power vibes, cause i must find a way to make this work!

after all, i already just missed the highland games when i was in scotland!

crikey....

umph....

2005-08-06T02:23:00.000-07:00

did i mention that musicians are hot?

sigh...

i hate eating my brussel sprouts.

2005-08-03T22:01:00.000-07:00

just a metaphor~i love brussel sprouts. yummmm!

but you know how much it sucks when you have to do something you know is good for you even though the whole concept makes you wanna scream, cry or kill someone. (or all of the above and not necessarily in that order.)

anyway....

on another note, i realized today that i have been remiss in posting the other "episodes" of trip. so i will try to get on that before the weekend. keep me outta trouble too :) so, sorry about the delay and stay tuned!

kowabunga, baby!

2005-07-29T22:49:00.000-07:00

okay, so surfing rocks. and is the most exhausting thing in the universe.
i am gonna be so sore tomorrow....

but i had an absolute BLAST, and my instructor (bill at santa monica surf school) was awesome!

however, i am so exhausted that i am going to bed. this is way early for me, especially on a friday night! that goes to show ya how wiped out i am. i can't even bear to try and answer my email.......

nighty night......

okey dokey

2005-07-28T17:29:00.000-07:00

so, after dropping another $500 bucks into mathilda (feel like i'm paying alimony), she's supposedly fixed. and at least for the time being. who knows what might go next? i'm betting brakes. any takers?

BUT i did determine that the surf lesson "bad karma" was okay, cause i ended up getting a better instructor with a better deal, and private instead of group lessons for the same price. and all because i couldn't start my car. so...maybe i jumped the gun a bit...forgot that everything happens for a reason and all that kismetty-type stuff.

also good career stuff happened yesterday (which i will cover in the other blog when i can~still have something pending till next week) so i really got reminded to stop b*tching so much.

i'll try to remember. i'm sure y'all will remind me if i step outta line.

anyway, surf lessons start TOMORROW!!! and my new and improved instructor worked on "blue crush" (giggle) so i figure he'll be pretty good. wish me luck!

frickin' karma!

2005-07-26T10:51:00.000-07:00

i do not know why, but apparently i have some horribly bad karma following me around. many things have been going wrong for me over the past few days and i do not really understand. is mercury in retrograde or something absurd like that?

this morning, i woke up very excited for the first time in a long time (not a morning person). i had my first surf lesson scheduled! yay!! y'all know i've been looking forward to this.

so i get all prepped and packed up and get together fresh clothes and my notebooks and stuff for the meeting i have after that, toss some water and fruit in my bag, yadda yadda...

and i get all settled in my car, turn the key and i hear....CLICK.

okay.

mathilda has been doing this off and on once in a while over the last two months, and usually if i give her about 5 minutes, she'll start.

CLICK.
CLICK.
CLICK...CLICK...CLICK.

mother....

now i know what you're thinking. "jeez, why didn't she bring it to the mechanic when it started happening two months ago?"

well, the mechanic (my buddy darryl, who, if you recall, just replaced the transmission in this heap of crap car a few months ago...guy must be laughing all the way to the bank...) told me that i shouldn't bring it in if mathilda was behaving. so three appointments and three cancellations later, because the symptoms went away, here i am. and they can't see me till thursday morning. do you have *any* idea that today and tomorrow are the only days this week when i have a bunch of stuff scheduled?? and who wants to bet that by thursday she'll be starting up just fine?!?

i must have done something really bad this weekend. what did i do........? what on earth is wrong with my karma? i swear... seems like the harder i try to stay away from negative energy, the more it's showing up and screwing up everything else.

constant rolling of eyes

2005-07-24T21:20:00.000-07:00

dating in this town is the most absurd, surreal (not necessarily in a cool, fun dali way) experience i have ever had. and people are ridiculous. sometimes i swear it's like they were never taught how to behave.

i don't know if it's because half just want to get laid and half just want to get married. i don't know if it's because i'm crazy or just not desirable as a date. maybe it's just that my heart's not really in it.

i don't know....just don't know.

what i do know is that the 5 or 6 dates/interactions with potential dates that i have had over the last 2 weeks were completely weird. i just decided to start dating again and i already want to bury my head back in the sand.

so i think i was right when i decided not to date for a while. being plain old single is way easier than dating in this place. and much easier on my ego, for cryin' out loud. grumble.

aw, potter-ites!

2005-07-18T10:55:00.000-07:00

ain't my nieces and nephew cute? they were on their way to a party to celebrate the new harry potter book release.

the upside

2005-07-12T21:05:00.000-07:00

now i know that the temperatures we are having this week (90-110) are pretty normal for the valley in the summertime. however, we have been having an exceedingly mild season here in l.a. and this came on rather suddenly. so what's the upside of a heat wave? you can breeze thru it happily by doing either of these things: going to the beach, or going to the movies.

today i got to do both!

yup, today was my first official beach day of 2005. that means not just visiting the beach~i do that a lot. this means lounging around on the sand in my bikini and then boogie boarding till i have sand scrapes on my knees and bruises on my ribs. yeeeeehaw!

and the film: dark water. i give it a....well, just put it on your netflix list.

can't wait till i start surfing.........

waiting...

2005-07-10T15:15:00.000-07:00

...for my favorite thing: food. yup, i'm on the last day of my fast (not a juice fast this time, 3-day cleansing instead). and it's over tonight at 9pm.

i have found that day 2 of this fast about killed me, whereas the juice fast was reasonably easy. today, i got up and went for a run, which i think helped, actually. i was afraid my energy level would decrease too much so i didn't try until the last day, and kept it short, but i actually feel great today! way better than yesterday. just craving those food flavors i so adore.....

flashback

2005-07-07T13:06:00.000-07:00

today is the first day i have ever been glad that l.a.'s public transportation is shit.

and a rare feeling of relief that i no longer live in nyc...which i am sure won't last long, but the subway threat was always my biggest fear after 9/11.

i feel so much for the people in london, having been in nyc for the 11th. i also understand now how it feels to be outside of it all, looking in. i hope that the death toll doesn't continue to rise and that this is the extra impetus which will cause enough security to stop all this.

meanwhile in the back of my head, i can't help wondering if they would have hit nyc had the olympic bid gone through for that city instead of london.

anyway, as i go about my day like the rest of the world, i wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the fear and suffering of that great city of london this day.

my thoughts are with you.

oh, and in case you live in a shoebox... here.

episode #2

2005-06-30T14:30:00.000-07:00

alright, onward.

so we traveled around the northern part of ireland, and eventually made our way into the republic of ireland. [by the way, just an interesting little tidbit--there are no signs demarcating the boundary between northern ireland and the republic of. this is because the republic doesn't recognize n.i. in any way. crazy stuff.]

here's a quick picture of the actual stepping stones from the giant's causeway. pretty cool.

as we worked our way toward galway, we stopped at these fairy bridges, where you can see one of the guys tossing a coin into that naturally shaped hole between the bridges...the story is that if you toss a coin (it's from further back than it looks) and it goes through that hole in particular, you will have beautiful babies.
if you miss, you can try again, but everytime you have to try anew, the denomination of your coin must rise. and no, there isn't a collection bucket on the bottom! as well, we stopped by dunluce castle ruins and climbed around a bit, then had our coffee/tea/biscuit break outside of the musendon temple. where i became obsessed with sheep pictures....

onto the walled city of derry and a hike to a waterfall on the path to lough belshade.
then donegal, with it's aforementioned bloody sunday site. and cap it all with a visit to a peat bog, where one of the girls sunk in up to her knees! oops....

next day was sligo, the inspirational setting of most of w.b. yeats' work. we also visited a children's potato famine graveyard there. a bit chilling. galway was more of a shopping stop than anything else, and this is actually the day that my camera flaked and all the pix from this day got deleted! BUGGER!

anyway, i was able to buy the claddagh ring i wanted in galway, the town from whence it was orignally created. guess which way i'm wearing it....

so then we traveled on to the musical town of doolin for the night. but before that we stopped at my very favorite scenic spot on the ireland part of my journey. and i have only one picture of it which did not get deleted. which naturally is one of the least impressive ones....but i'm hoping one of the folks who were with me will email me some of their shots when they return from their respective travels. at any rate, here's my one and only picture from the cliffs of moher. proof of a higher power if ever there was one.

episode #1 redux

2005-06-24T11:47:00.000-07:00

okay, trying to recreate here, but unsure of possible success. things never seem to come out as well a second time. will save drafts elsewhere this time!

so i started my journey in glasgow. spent 2 days there while, as i mentioned previously, i saw much art (though i did miss the dali painting at the cathedral....bummer), got started on my pints, had my hair twisted, and met several great people. i then continued on to edinburgh to join a backpackers tour around ireland.

we spent 6 days tooling around the emerald isle in a blue minibus named betty, and i met more cool people, caught up on my pint drinking, heard some wonderful live music, practiced a bit of football (soccer) and hackey sack, saw a bit of traditional irish "line" dancing, and learned more about irish history than i ever did in college (no surprise there).

my favorite place on this beautiful isle? impossible to say. there wasn't a single one that didn't endow me with some truly wonderful feeling. even the sometimes bleak and heart-wrenching town of belfast gave an opportunity for my heart to pound as i stood beside a mural at the site of the bloody sunday shootings (*not* the one pictured here).

anyone who has been to ireland knows that the serenity and beauty of this emerald isle is impossible to convey in words or capture in pictures. there is no way to explain the awe which fills one's heart and soul as you stand on her unfathomable greens and watch the clouds move low across the horizon. naturally, i couldn't help giving it a shot anyway...

then of course there is the exhilaration of climbing around centuries-old ruins of castles and fortresses, imagining another time in that place, when stones were solid and laughter rang. this first one i visited, just north and west of belfast (kenmare) stopped my heart and my breath for a moment. then i recovered myself, and fumbled blindly for my camera, unwilling to look away, lest it disappear like the mirage it seemed.

(my apologies for the flowery language, but there is nothing about ireland that allows me to deny the tendency toward it. y'all mostly know i'm a closet romantic anyway....)

okay, that's it for now. next episode coming soon. and hk, since you tease that i might have pulled my pix from the web instead of actually traveling, here's me in the flesh.

my journey: episode #1

2005-06-24T09:47:00.000-07:00

argh!

i just deleted this entire (hour-long venture) lovely wonderful picture-filled post!

@)(#*!^#*&%$)!(@*$^!*@#^$%

must....walk away....before throwing computer out window....

blogger....must....die.......

home sweet(?) home

2005-06-23T13:46:00.000-07:00

yes, i am officially returned from my globetrotting.
i've also managed to fight off jet lag in both directions so i'm rather pleased with that.
i promise to post a more detailed account of my journey soon, but as you can imagine i have many errands and such to take care of now that i am back in la-la land.
meanwhile, just a little snippet to tantalize you.
this is a picture from above the giant's causeway in northern ireland. note my twistied hair, done by a brilliant gal from aussie, whom i met in glasgow on her way to iceland to do volunteer conservation work.

man, there are a lot of sheep here

2005-06-18T20:29:00.000-07:00

but more importantly....wow.
i've spent much of the last week in complete awe of my surroundings.
also met some brilliant fun people and had perhaps more than my share of pints at this point.
so many things i've seen/felt/lived i cannot possibly put it all here or in a way you could experience much of it vicariously, but... here are a couple notes.

ireland=lovely unabashed music, pints, passion~good and bad
scotland=mist, moors, plaid, and whiskey
the generics of both=castles, ruins, amazing natural scenes, good people
hostels stays=much snoring **grin**, comraderie, pub jaunts
tours=great history lessons, tons of new friends, much laughter (if'n it's a good'n)

okay. i have taken 1 zillion pictures. i do believe some of them got deleted so i am not happy with that, but i will be posting some faves whence i return.

i'm off to practice my carousing. cheers to you all, and thanks for the emails. feel free to send more :)

my dawgs is achin'!

2005-06-10T14:11:00.000-07:00

well, over the past couple days, i have spent about:

12 hours flying
4 hours in airports
15 hours walking
4 hours drinking pints/wine and/or conferring with my maps/books of glasgow and/or getting my hair twist-braided

i think my actual pint-drinking time is deplorable, but i figure there'll be much more of that going on once i join the rest of the backpackers in edinburgh. free internet here in glasgow, though, so i thought i'd check in.

glasgow is a true mecca for the art lover. i've been to 5 or 6 gallery/museum/structure type dealies. some of you may think that sounds boring, but there are people who actual travel here just for that aspect of glasgow.

i am looking very forward to continuing onto more traditional and outdoorsy scottish experiences. but i'm off to ireland first for about 5 days. leaving first thing in the morning with the backpackers group. we'll take the ferry to belfast and start things there.

i've met some remarkable people already, and i cannot wait to continue this soul-igniting journey. it's good to have emails to read when i have a chance to check it (especially if i pay for the privilege), so if i like you & you like me, write me one :)

if possible i'll try update once or twice more before heading home so it's not a spew-blog when i get back to the states.

cheers!

in case you're confused...

2005-06-04T00:18:00.000-07:00

the democratic and republican parties seem (frighteningly) similar these days, especially when it comes to the lesser-of-two-evils style candidates. why don't you find out what you really are.

obviously, i'm:

I am:
3%
Republican.

"You're a complete liberal, utterly without a trace of Republicanism. Your strength is as the strength of ten because your heart is pure. (You hope.)"

do it, scaredy cat.

link borrowed.

big ol' jet airliner....

2005-06-02T20:25:00.000-07:00

so i am leaving on my trip to scotland/ireland soon. just trying to get my itinerary planned~as much as a loose outline anyway. make sure i have all the bare minimum accommodations, humor my mother about my safety (sorry, mum, but it's true), and plan my list to pack. i'm backpacking it so it's all about light traveling. but it'll be reasonably cool and wet there so i gotta have a certain amount of essentials and layers.
plus pack an extra bag to be chock full of souvenirs on the way back :)
anyway, beyond that i don't have much other stuff lined up between now and then (naturally, since i'll be in a "remote location" i can't really audition much till i get back).
the last week was great~lots of memorial day weekend debauchery and fun. even went to the renaissance festival. anyway...drinking, poker playing, bbqing, sunbathing and swimming. allll good, fun, start-of-summer activity. got me right into vacation mode, lemme tell ya.
i may try to post here at a few points during my trip--an easy way to keep in touch with the folks and to keep those of you who are interested apprised of my great adventures in the lands of kilts, whisky, heather and heavy.
(men in kilts....can you say "yum"?)

food glorious food!

2005-05-23T15:46:00.000-07:00

did i mention how much i love food?

i broke my fast today at 3pm PDT with 6 strawberries and 1/3 of a granny smith apple, plus a handful of raw peanuts.

super yummmmmmmm!

okay, so i decided to break fast because i have an audition tomorrow for a 21 episode series host, and i do NOT want to be suffering from any side effects during that! that make my fast a success at 3 days and 17 hours!

it is really tough not to gobble down the whole fridge, and it's recommended to eat raw for at least a day or 2, so i will try.....but man once you eat something it's like your hunger that's all stored up blasts out all over you.

juice fast journal # 3

2005-05-23T00:17:00.000-07:00

so today (sunday) i was scheduled to break my fast at 10pm.
here's what i decided. i will continue the juice fast at least another 12 hours, and then for as much longer as i feel like it. so...

my menu for sunday:

morning: herbal tea, apple juice (fresh squeezed apple juice is AMAzing)
afternoon: herbal tea, water
dinner: lettuce, collard greens, tomato, carrot, cilantro, garlic juice, cut with water
evening (post-walk): water; watermelon, kiwi juice

juice fast journal # 2

2005-05-22T15:05:00.000-07:00

i've noticed that my typing skills have gone down the drain during this fast. harrumph.
anyway, beyond that, still pretty much just coasting.

i think doing a fast with juice makes all the difference in whether you go crazy from hunger. i have been dreaming a lot about food, but am okay beyond that.

the downside of juice fasting is that here i am on day 3, and i have very small amount of detox symptoms--i.e., coating of the tongue, fatigue, etc. and if you're fasting to lose weight, well juice fasting ain't all that quick about it. i haven't shed more than a pound or two. i know that on water fasts you can lose as much as 4 pounds a day! yikes.

i say downside even though i am not suffering serious detox symptoms because i sort of feel like i am wasting all this self-control and energy. that my body isn't reaping the benefits of my efforts the way i had hoped!

most of the reading i did said that symptoms were in earnest by the 3rd day....maybe i am drinking too much juice and it is slowing things down. but i don't think so.

at any rate, small headache yesterday afternoon was relieved by a nap.

my menu yesterday, day 2:

morning: watermelon, kiwi, orange juice; herbal tea
afternoon: water, herbal tea
dinner: spinach, collard greens, carrot, tomato juice, cut with water
evening: water; herbal tea; tomato, lemon, carrot juice

i'm technically scheduled to break my fast tonight at 10, but i plan on extending it as long as i feel comfortable and am not required to have a ton of energy. the 100 degree heat this weekend has made it easy for me to lounge around inside and watch movies, other than the reading and some computer work i did.

juice fast journal entry #1

2005-05-21T10:59:00.000-07:00

well, i started my juice fast thursday night at 10pm.
i was not going to proceed with the plan because i was cast in a feature film reading which rehearsed last night and performs tonight, and i was concerned about my performance. but i thought i'd see and last night went well so i am going to go ahead with it. if i start to feel terrible before tonight's performance i will eat something small and raw, like maybe a banana to tide me over, but i hope not to since it'll be like starting all over.

anyway, on to the fast....
yesterday was actually not so bad. i thought i would be going crazy for some food. but unless i allowed my brain to go off on little food dream tangents, it wasn't really a big deal.
when you do a true juice fast you use freshly extracted juices, not store bought or v8 or whatever. and let me tell you the difference in taste is pretty amazing. i suppose freshly squeezed o.j. is an example since most people have had it.
the other thing is, NO PULP allowed. that's like eating part of a fruit or veggie or whatever you extracted, so it is all strained out on a juice fast.
then you can also drink herb tea and water. and you can have as much of those 3 things as you want (some people even do broth too, but i haven't felt a need for that) so that you don't feel wanting.
i got tired yesterday afternoon and took a nap before rehearsal. had a little difficulty getting up and going after that, but i managed. and once i got moving and had a veggie juice drink i was good. a bit impatient, but that's pretty normal for me....lol.

my menu?

morning: peppermint tea, water
afternoon: fruit juice--watermelon, orange, apple, water
dinner: veggie juice--spinach, tomato, collard greens, carrot (i cut this 50/50 with water--it was intense!)
post-dinner: water, peppermint tea

that's it! i went to bed early (for me--midnight) and work up at 7am. not happy about that so i went back to bed for a while, mostly just lazing.
i feel good today. not really anything out of the ordinary. so cross your fingers it stays that way!

colicky = gripe water

2005-05-17T23:52:00.000-07:00

sorry about that last gripey post. i was feeling a wee colicky i guess. (though i still stick to the sentiment, and have had several other incidents reinforce those notions since then.....)

BUT i digress....
well, as i should--this is an off-topic blog after all--but i don't want to bore you.

what i really have to say is that i am planning my trip to scotland and have now added ireland to the itinerary! this is very exciting for me. i have been eager to travel so many places, but these 2 have been at the top of my list since paris and london got marked off. next it's italy and greece....or maybe cambodia and vietnam since i have a friend who will be living there soon....getting ahead of myself here.

anyway, i expect to spend the 3 days of my juice fast (yup, this weekend) exploring the backpacker and hostel info and getting all my plans in order.

i'll keep you posted on the fun stuff!

the best of intentions

2005-05-12T23:00:00.000-07:00

ever do something with great and meaningful intentions only to have it come back and unexpectedly slap you in the face?

seems that as i get older this happens more often... are people just less concerned about others, or am i perhaps getting softer in my old age?

it can't be karma~these are all good karma items i'm referring to here...

at any rate, i am sort of disgruntled about the whole thing.

michigan

2005-05-08T14:52:00.000-07:00

so i successfully pulled off a surprise visit to my mom in the ann arbor area for her birthday and mother's day. with the help of a brother and my step-dad, i was able to sneak into town and sit down next to her at my nephew's soccer game without her having a clue. it was great! went off without a hitch, and i was so happy to be able to visit for a few days.
i made a huge brunch this morning for my folks, my older brother and his wife, and their 3 boys (bacon, eggs, french toast, pancakes, fresh squeezed oj for the moms, and plenty of help from larry). it was a blast in spite of the "work," since i rarely get a chance to do this normal family stuff when i'm in town for a visit.
as well, my sister's son, jonah, one of my godsons, had a birthday on friday and i am hoping to get to see him and give him his gift this evening. (their family was at her in-law's for mother's day so they couldn't make it to brunch.) also like to visit with his sisters and mine.
elsewise, it is just nice to be in michigan for a few days. i miss having a family nearby--even in nyc i had a brother an hour and half away on the train in PA--and all my nieces and nephews are growing so fast....feel like aunt kate is missing out sometimes!
so that's it. i seem to have imported some southern cali style weather for the few days i am here, so i guess i won't get my snow fix....this time anyway. *wink*

basic common sense

2005-05-04T10:32:00.000-07:00

i sorta pride myself on having it, basic common sense. however, i am appalled to discover that i completely ignored the Ockham's razor explanation for my recent running problems.
so...i'm off to the store. cause i'm about 99.9% sure that i just need new running shoes (or "running" shoes at all~being an all-around bargain-hunting kinda girl, the last shoes i bought were low-priced crosstrainers) to solve my problems, which are probably to be expected when your shoes are 2 years old. not to mention the exacerbation of the problem by my slightly longer and therefore harder impacting right leg. (people, don't freak out about that--it's pretty common and not freakish or noticeable to anyone but me.... i hope... *grin*)
i guess we will find out shortly. thank goodness there is a mother's day sale going on at every sporting goods store--i should still be ale to honor my bargain-hunting ways and get a decent running shoe.

numbers numbers numbers

2005-05-01T14:22:00.000-07:00

so the raw food diet actually made me gain 5 pounds. can you believe that crap? anyway, i have gone back to my already extremely healthy eating patterns. patooey on all those carb sugars in fruit~that was certainly my downfall.

other numbers include the fact that i keep seeing multiple numbers. particularly 1111 and 111 that sort. i'm not going to get all hokey new age on you, but it has been going on for over a month now, and it's starting to bug me out a bit. yaaaaaaaak.

also, there are 3 birthdays, of 3 generations in my family this week. what on earth are people feeling so sexy about in august, the hottest muggiest month of the year? geez.

the number of times i have considered going for a run today: 5. could be because i am watching, well, half-watching, the hawaii ironman competition. crazy people! anyway, still having trouble with the muscle in my front right calf, and now my hip as well. i did a 10-minute mile at the gym yesterday before my leg started freaking and realized how far away i am from the running machine (cough, cough) i was about 2 months ago. i must find a solution to this problem!

okay, i'm off to crunch on some edamame and watch these nutty triathletes. the first ever amputee racer is really blowing me away. especially so cause it's a woman. go estrogen!

what's your true color?

2005-04-26T10:28:00.000-07:00

Kate, your true color is Brown!

You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.

wow, i sound old. lol. strange how all my artistic passion seems to be clouded by all my logic--cause this is actually pretty accurate.

anyway, go find out what yours is right here.

i love it when

2005-04-23T16:56:00.000-07:00

you just happen to stumble over new music that you absolutely adore.

Breathe (2 AM)--Anna Nalick

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
can you help me unravel my latest mistake,
I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable
and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl,
So cradle your head in you hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Whoa breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist,
Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year.
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him, maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe, just breathe,
Whoa breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
But you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
inside of me, threatening the life they belong to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
whoa breathe, just breathe,
oh breathe, just breathe.

in the raw

2005-04-03T14:29:00.000-07:00

i'm very seriously considering changing my diet to about 80-90% raw.
i can picture a few of you scratching your heads and/or rolling your eyes, but i've been doing quite a bit of research on it. i find that since i'm working from home a lot and because i try to eat small meals throughout the day to keep my blood sugar even, recently i have just been eating too much food in general. and though i'm quite a healthy eater as most of you know, i feel that i may just not be getting enough satisfaction from the foods i am eating. or perhaps enough energy/physical necessities. like the foods i eat are mostly healthy, but perhaps not the "right" foods for my body and mind to operating at peak performance.
at any rate, i am planning to finish up what i have left of the perishable non-raw foods as i start to incorporate raw food recipes into my life over the next week. i'll let you know how it's going--it should certainly be interesting as several of my favorite foods (pasta, seafood, veggie meats, and um wine--gulp!) will be disappearing.
hmm, i wonder if i can still eat sushi...? oh no--the rice.... ah well. that's what the other 10-20% is for :)
anywho, say goodbye to those 5 smobriety pounds that i can't shake.

what inspires you?

2005-03-28T13:28:00.000-08:00

another fun little quiz. here's my results:

Kate, you're inspired by Learning New Things

You can't help but be amazed by all the wonders of the world, from the way things work to how your friends relate to one another. That's because you're an inquisitive individual with a sharp eye and a quick mind that never stops questioning.Whether you're spending hours glued to history programs or enjoy perfecting a new skill like anything from karate to knitting, you've got a serious thirst for knowledge. You probably constantly impress your friends with your diverse talents — and the facts at your fingertips. Besides, your constant curiosity charges you with a fun, childlike energy that others can't help but get a kick out of. So keep on with your curious ways. You're sure to stumble onto the next great thing any day now!

did i mention the radio?

2005-03-26T11:01:00.000-08:00

people often ask me about the differences of living in l.a. vs. nyc.
and yes, it is very different. and i took a bit of time struggling to find the pros for the l.a. side of the argument. but i certainly did.
and one of them relates to the fact the radio stations in nyc absolutely suck.
i mean really. if you've lived there you probably know what i mean.
l.a. has very good radio, and i am pleased to say that one of my regular stations just changed format and is now THE PERFECT RADIO STATION. i kid you not. i absolutely adore it. one minute they are playing van halen circa "1984" and the next pearl jam, then sinead o'connor, styx...it is really a perfect mix of flashback music, all the styles, and all the relevant (to me) decades.
check it out.
(okay, yeah their web site needs a bit of work, but they *just* switched over....one thing at a time, people! hopefully they'll have streaming up for you to listen to very soon.)

the terri schiavo case

2005-03-25T09:49:00.000-08:00

it's been all over the news non-stop...and the only thing that i can really say about this horrible situation is that it sure makes me glad i looked into writing a living will.
get on it, people.
do you want to end up the object of such a debate? most people i hear talking about this speak primarily about what they would want for themselves in this situation. so write it down and make sure your desires will be honored before it's too late.
if not for yourself, do it for your family. they will be the ones to suffer.

things i plan to do before i'm 40

2005-03-23T16:55:00.000-08:00

i intend to keep adding to this list, but i want to post the things i've already identified so i don't start forgetting them.

run the nyc marathon
climb kilimanjaro
skydive
go on safari
write a book
travel to the continents i've yet to visit (africa, asia, antarctica, south america)
volunteer with habitat for humanity
hike into/camp the grand canyon
finish learning to ski
learn to tango
become fluent in at least one other language
replace any remaining hand-me-down furniture with chosen pieces
buy a home
~~have a pedicure~~
pierce my nose (again)
get fresh flowers for my home every week for at least 3 months
take my nieces and nephews on an outing
fall in love (again)
~~walk the moors of scotland~~

anything you think i should add, toss it in. maybe write your own. would love to know what you all want to do in your upcoming years.

yes, i'm back

2005-03-22T14:19:00.000-08:00

i have returned to the real world...and here's what it greeted me with.

more possible car problems
extended water damage, leading to much mold
ant problems, related to moisture from water damage and moldage
internet being down so forced into library netting
rain and wind
no calls from my agent
but i did get 3 auditions booked
and i am very tan
also, my missing cell phone was returned with no harm done

i suppose all in all i can't complain....

more on my trip when i am back online at home.

so glad to see this

2005-03-14T12:59:00.000-08:00

this is a huge step forward and i hope to see many more judgments and happenings along these lines. let's stop teaching intolerance and prejudice to the next generations and start encouraging them to be happy with who they are and embrace the process of discovering it.

what fate has brought us here...

2005-03-13T21:23:00.000-08:00

an old sometimes-friend of mine blogged about me and a conversation we had over IM a few months ago. and for whatever reason i've been thinking a lot recently about something in particular that he said.

She did the Instant Messenger version of a shrug & said she doesn't worry about it, she believes in fate. That's all fine & good. I confess, I'm more the blood, the sweat, the tears type, myself.

i do believe in fate, it's true. and i said those very words during the course of our IM conversation. however, what strikes me about his comment is that his thought process implies that fate and my belief in it precludes the blood, sweat and tears he reveres. this, in fact, is the exact opposite of the truth of fate i believe in. the fact that i keep looking him up whenever we lose track of each other should indicate that anyway....but let me just explain a bit further what i mean about fate.

i think that fate is about predestination but not necessarily anything about how we get there. i think there are certain things meant to happen, certain people we are meant to meet, and places we will eventually end up within our lives, even if our path to that destination is up to us. i also believe everything happens for a reason, and that doesn't always mean good or bad. and i think that fate is just the natural culmination of our desires and our work, whether that work be in the same area of our lives and selves as those desires or not. it's sort of like the butterfly effect, and the balance of karma.

so the end of that is, i believe in dreaming like everything is up to fate and living like everything is up to me. because using fate as an excuse to be lazy just offers up a different, less satisfying fate. and because i believe i do create my own destiny through blood, sweat, tears....and other things.

peace.

the things we do for love

2005-03-09T11:02:00.000-08:00

this morning i got up at 6:30. i am an absolute night person, and i haven't had to get up this early since december, unless you count being in michigan and considering myself still on california time...

i took mathilda over to the dealer's shop in van nuys, pulled my bike out of the hatchback and biked from van nuys home to burbank through morning traffic. it took me 1.15 hours. and i was sweaty.

the good thing is mathilda will be equipped with her new tranny and back in my possession sometime today. as well, i have no need to convince myself to work out today, as those 10-15 miles this morning served the purpose quite well. meanwhile, i didn't have to ask one of my actor friends to get up with me at the ass-crack of dawn to drive me home from the shop, thereby not owing any huge favors, i.e., potential 5 am drop-offs at LAX. not that i would ever say no to helping a friend if i was able, but 5 am....ouch.

this also means that i will be able to drive to the beach on friday to enjoy a few hours of our first 80+ degree day of 2005! now don't be jealous, all my midwest and northeasterners. i still have my full-size futon--come on out and visit!

international women's day

2005-03-08T11:24:00.000-08:00

yes, i am surpassing a reasonable number of posts for one day (at least for this blog), but i just realized that today is international women's day, and wanted to quote this little history behind it, while wishing all you fabulous goddess-like women out there a wonderful day. rock on.

>snip<
The Story of Women's Day
In the years surrounding the turn of the 20th century, women were entering the workplace in larger numbers than ever before, thanks largely to the expansion of nineteenth century industrialism. The jobs they filled were segregated by gender and were mainly in the areas of manufacturing, textiles and in domestic services where working conditions were dismal, and wages even worse. The political climate was one of turmoil and change - Socialism and Trade Unionism were coming into being as working people the world over sought to improve their status and working conditions. Additionally, Women's Suffrage, the right to vote, was a still un-realized goal.
The first Women's Day was held on the last Sunday in February 1908, initiated by groups of American socialist women for the purpose of demanding the Vote and to call attention to the political and economic status of women. It continued to be held on the final Sunday in February through 1913, when celebrations of the day began to shift to the first Sunday in March. When the Russian Czar abdicated in 1917, the provisional Government granted women the right to vote - this took place on February 23, according to the Julian calendar then used in Russia, but on March 8 according to the Gregorian calendar used by most of the rest of the world.
In the ninety-plus years since its inception, International Women's Day has formed a rallying point for coordinated efforts by the growing international women's movement to call for women's rights and increased participation in the political and economic process. It is also a time to reflect on progress made, and to commemorate the lives of women who have played courageous roles in the history of women's rights.

borrowed

2005-03-08T10:21:00.000-08:00

i was reading this blog, which is pretty well read and respected~and i get why, it's quite a fun read~and i had to borrow these from part of a post re: 100 things which describe the author. sounds an awful lot like me....

i work crossword puzzles in ink.
i would be a really good mom, but i'm cool with being a really good aunt.
i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.
i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.
i never play dumb. never.
i am way too hard on myself.
i am a change agent.
i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
i am not afraid to tell people that i love them.
i am militantly pro-choice.
i am pro-adoption.
i know a little bit about alot of things.
i typically enjoy the company of men more than women.
i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it. hard.
i try and do the right thing. all the time. and it’s hard.
i fucking hate it when you think someone is your friend and it turns out that they’re actually a sociopath.
i set high standards for myself in all areas of my life, and I often expect others to do the same...without ever telling them.
i'm a bundle of contradictions. covered in secret sauce.
i hate it when people tell me what to do.
i’m a compulsive list maker.
i kick ass at Scrabble.
nothing pisses me off more than a closed mind.
i am 32 flavors. and then some.

that last one, she borrowed from ani. but that's just fine, ain't it. makes us even more frighteningly alike. odd how you can sometimes have more in common with a stranger than members of your family-and-friends circle.

so you think you know english?

2005-03-08T00:33:00.000-08:00

yet another fun little link i found on another blogger site. the commonly confused words test.
there are 4 levels of questions. i scored "100% Beginner, 93% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 83% Expert" and higher than 99% of people my age and gender in all 4 levels.

well, we always knew i was a nerd. i have a spelling bee trophy, for cryin' out loud.

go 'head, i know you wanna take it.

the lesbians are coming! the lesbians are coming!

2005-03-07T14:37:00.000-08:00

quick, run for the hills!

ugh...this is such b.s.

you know if these billboards weren't for this particular show, there is no way they would have taken them down. if they were for, say, victoria's secret, or sex & the city--or even a calvin klein ad, not only would no one have touched them, there likely would have been a revolt if anyone had!

such total b.s.

i am a toothbrush

2005-03-05T16:00:00.000-08:00

i found this on another blog i sometimes read (since the author doesn't even know me i shall not link to him out of respect). check it out, it's fun. i got:

You are a toothbrush. You are a control freak. You love to be in charge of everything, and like to do things yourself instead of indirectly. Hands-on projects are your favorite. You like to accomplish things the hard way, even if it means getting dirty. You have high priorities and set goals for your life, which will make you very successful. However, you will have to dig deep and get rid of all the crap people throw at you in order to have a promising future. Most compatible with: Toilet Paper, and Windex.

but anyone who knows me knows this is reasonably accurate...
eh. it's fun for a kick.

the car, the wall, and the rest

2005-03-04T10:45:00.000-08:00

okay, so mathilda is going to be fixed. the dealership is going to cover a portion (about 1/5th) of the repair cost. and the transmission is on order. and none too soon since i could barely get out of my friend's underground parking lot last night. verrrrry scarrrrrry. i decided that i really want to keep mathilda, even with all the trouble she's giving me, and that i inherited a bit of money from my dad just in time for a certain reason. so there you go.

the wall where the leak was....did i mention that the problem had been my upstairs neighbor's water heater blowing up? how he didn't notice that i'll never know....anyway, the wall was dried out, then the drywall dismantled and replaced yesterday by freaky "super" boy. now he'll have to come back at some point to paint. i hope it's not today cause i need space and quiet to get ready for all my appointments today.

and the rest....well i went for run yesterday morning for the first time in a while, due to a muscle strain issue in the front of my right calf. it started twingeing again while i was out there so after about 1.5 miles i started switching off between running and walking, and that seemed to help. i think i just need to find a stretch for that particular muscle. anyway, it felt good to be back out there, but i definitely believe i run better in the afternoon. and i swear i can feel the smog in my throat after running a bit. yuck. why did i bother quitting smoking? sigh

more of "the rest," i.e., beyond all that... i am getting very excited for my trip with my oldest and dearest friend. we are going down to the mayan riviera to do yoga, get massages, visit ruins, go diving, check out the cenotes, and generally heal ourselves. oh yeah, and enjoy spending some time together, since we live on opposite coasts.
i've been pleased to hear that she is obsessing about the trip as much as i am, and i know we will either have a really wonderful time, or the actor's curse will kick in and i'll get cast in something important and not be able to go. lol.

mathilda hath forsaken me

2005-03-01T16:14:00.000-08:00

in case you don't know, mathilda is my car.

my recently purchased (september) pre-owned car. which i adore.

it's a subaru, which is supposed to run forever.

weeeellll apparently mathilda didn't like that idea. the gear issue i've been having is apparently not fixable in and of itself. it's not something simple, and subaru transmissions can't be rebuilt, they have to be replaced. just the nature of the beast, supposedly.
so i've been quoted a repair ESTIMATE (no less) of 1/3 the price i paid for the car in the first place.
i've asked their "board" to consider paying for at least part of it since i just bought the car from them (problem started in nov. but went away for a while) and i feel something this major should have been detected, right?... so they are going to discuss it at their meeting tomorrow. meanwhile they are trying to convince me that i might just wanna trade mathilda in for another vehicle they have on the lot of the same make year and model (but WHITE--ugh) instead of putting my money into the poor ol' gal. however because it has 25K less miles on it, i'd end up spending even more!
it's hard to believe people's thought process sometimes. i'm arguing with them over paying for the repair in the first place and they want to convince me to spend more. grumble. i guess i'll be spending the next 24 hours calling for other estimates and weighing my options.

one good thing came out of my visit to the dealership ripoff shop: i did get the chance to chat with erik hiljus while i was paying the $78 they charged me for 4 hours of sitting around waiting and the very bad news they finally delivered. i was so upset about mathilda i didn't get his number though. ah well...

leakage

2005-02-28T10:17:00.000-08:00

it seems odd to me that my building manager and building...well i guess he's technically the super, but i use that term loosely, as his main skill seems to be leering at me and trying to talk me into staying in the garage with him and his boombox whenever possible. anyway, i digress. it seems odd that the mgr and "super" would not have responded to a call i made yesterday morning about a water leak.
we all know how quickly water can spread, and how much damage it can potentially cause. especially those of us living in so-cal right now, who have actually seen houses crashed in on themselves on the hillsides.
so, 24 hours later i am forced to make another call, where i finally speak to the mgr--and he tells me he's gotten calls from 2 other tenants now.
that sounds really....NOT reassuring at all.
particularly since

i am not on the top floor
part of the leak is occurring down/on/in the wall which holds my fuse box
the major part of the leak seems to be coming from above my water heater. and by now the whole ceiling area above it appears soaked...while i am only venturing a guess that my upstairs neighbor's water heater is positioned directly above mine, it seems a bit possible that a huge appliance will come crashing through my ceiling at any moment.

fun monday. fun fun fun

i think i'll try to make myself scarce whenever "super" boy finally gets here. ugh...at least ivan will be pleased that my escape will include a trip to buy him food.

live--i alone

2005-02-28T00:23:00.000-08:00

it's easier not to be wise/and measure these things by your brains/I sank into eden with you/alone in the church by and by/I'll read to you here save your eyes/you'll need them your boat is at sea/your anchor is up you've been swept away/and the greatest of teachers won't hesitate/to leave you there by yourself/chained to fate/I alone love you/I alone tempt you/I alone love you/fear is not the end of this/it's easier not to be great/and measure these things by your eyes/we long to be here by his resolve/alone in the church by and by/to cradle the baby in space/and leave you there by yourself/chained to fate/I alone love you/I alone tempt you/I alone love you/fear is not the end of this/oh, now, we took it back too far,/only love can save us now, all these riddles that you burn/all come runnin' back to you, all these rhythms that you hide/only love can save us now, all these riddles that you burn/yeah, yeah, yeah

sorry, but after all the oscar songs i felt the need for some downhome 90s rock.

ah, the voice of wisdom

2005-02-27T15:19:00.000-08:00

yet another reason to adore morgan freeman.
he speaks the truth, even if it's ill-received by some.
sounds familiar.
though he is a bit more diplomatic about it i suppose.....

ani difranco

2005-02-26T15:45:00.000-08:00

can i just bloggle for a bit on about how amazing her music is? i mean neverminding the actual music, the highs and lows of her folksy yet grindy rhythms and blues, BUT--her lyrics just....agh. they annihilate me.
there never fails to be a song she's written to fit whatever my mood, circumstance, etc. and since i can't really write, but can certainly sing, it's the perfect perfect outlet.
if i ever get good enough on the guitar to be able to accompany myself with her music, y'all better look out. i'll never stop.

today's winner, from the little plastic castle album: glass house
and of course, gravel is always a winner, even moreso since the dismissal of the never-a-good-friend never-a-good-lay never-very-kind let-me-way-down-every-time boy.

and last but not least, my new personal favorite, from self-titled: rush hour
this snippet in particular, not fully in the lyrics, and she adds it in at the end of the song...
and there were some things that I did not tell him/there were certain things he did not need to know/and there were some days that I did not love him/and he didn't understand me/and I don't know why I didn't go/and he didn't understand me/and he had every chance to know

and yes, i really am done being bitter...
but that doesn't mean i'm done thinking.

more on friends

2005-02-24T00:04:00.000-08:00

do you have people that come in and out of your life in a constantly questionable presence? or is this just me?
this has happened often in my life, but at this posting i am speaking of a specific situation. the problem with these people is that one is (i.e., i am) never quite certain if they mean to be friends with you or not.
they seem happy to hear from you when you look them up.
they say they are glad you did look them up.
they even stay in contact for a few exchanges.

and then wham.

silence.

i truly do not understand this. yet to complain about it makes one appear...well, pathetic, needy, loser-like. but at the same time, one does not go through the trouble to get back in touch with people they've lost along the way without planning to keep things up this time around.

therein lies the rub.

what's a girl to do?

old friends and new

2005-02-23T10:08:00.000-08:00

yesterday i was able, unexpectedly, to hang out with an old friend from nyc, and it was so nice to be with someone to whom i don't have to explain myself. just meaning that it's not that beginning stages of friendship where you are little more censored, a little more pulled in.
i guess those of you who know me may be shocked (or just laughing) at the idea of me holding anything back. but in my own way i do get rather shy and/or careful sometimes. and picking your life up and starting over brand new and blind in a new place, as i've done twice now, is not always easy or fun. meeting people and establishing friendships from the ground up--also very challenging at times.
at any rate, it was a pleasure to see him again, and to meet his good friend & fellow photographer from boston. and we had a great time disrupting the enjoyment of other guests in the hotel bar at the sheraton gateway. who could ask for anything more?

fake love

2005-02-21T11:54:00.000-08:00

i have had some really beautiful/sexy, really talented leading men play opposite me in my lifetime. and for whatever reason (probably because i was usually dating someone else) i never had the what-seems-to-be common problem of falling for your fellow actor. however... the project i just finished, i was opposite my leading man very little of the time, and while we connected quite well on camera, we didn't always in the green room. until the last 2 days of shooting, when we spent hours waltzing together, and found our rhythm there and elsewise. and i do believe, that right about then, he stole a little bit of my bruised-up used-up heart. and though i'm not sure why, i have my theory.... i do find dancing, that sort of dancing, very intimate. and i don't think that's just my opinion.
sigh.

if he wasn't so much younger that i would ruin him, i would consider getting in the middle of that. unfortunately, i am an old hag to his young buck. and that just wouldn't be fair, mrs. robinson.
sigh.

maybe i just need to get laid.
sigh.
and then i have to chuckle.
it's good being able to step back when you know you should. aka, experience-gained self-control.